I believe as a society we need to re-tool our approach to mental health and how effectively we raise the subject, especially for school age and adolescent kids who are the most vulnerable during this period of their lives. They’re so intuitive as they actively and subconsciously take in the world around them, bringing so much of what registers in the back of their minds into adulthood. We just hope that what they’re bringing with them is going to help them more than it hurts them. Since kids don’t consciously know what they’re absorbing - I know I didn’t - it would be advisable as adults to be as positive an influence as you can to their present state whether you’re a parent, teacher, instructor, group leader, camp counselor, or simply their neighbor down the street.
So many of us have to deal with the aftermath of our childhoods as an ongoing saga, experiencing certain repetitive negative emotions or thoughts like inadequacy, constantly feeling under emotional or physical attack, or varieties of anxiousness and “waiting for the other shoe to drop” as they say. The words we heard and the things we saw were likely processed through a lens incapable of the perspective we needed to properly cope. That’s not our fault. I’m a big believer in that we are products of our environment, and when nothing is done to stop the passing down of past trauma from parent to child, the cycle cannot help but to continue until it crashes and burns - much like gravity’s hold on a falling object.
This is where I’m so grateful to be living in an age where information is practically limitless, giving us endless access to resources that generations before us couldn’t have imagined. Sure, distant generations that paved the way for us literally had to fight for their lives. Mental health was an afterthought as they fought numerous physical existential threats every day to survive by any means necessary. While it’s true that in modern civilized society many of us are lucky not to have to fight for our lives every day, the signals that fire in our brains that once worked solely to keep us from physical harm remain unchanged. Your anxious best friend may be suffering from panic attacks stemming from something totally harmless from a survival aspect, but their brain doesn’t know the difference. Their brain is triggered, sending signals to the rest of the body to react as if they’re being chased through the jungle and up a tree by a saber-tooth tiger.
There’s a key word - react. Wouldn’t it be beneficial for young students already in a learning environment to be introduced to a proactive approach to mental health rather than a “sound the alarm” reactive scramble to fix or rebuild their psyche later on? When I was in middle school (6th - 8th grade), I had to attend “health” class. It was more of an “intro to anatomy and physiology while touching on bodily changes during puberty” class, and it was mandatory. It recently dawned on me that everything I learned during early schooling within the realm of health was about the physical, and none of the mental or emotional. If we can have a curriculum for “health” and a gym/physical education class, why can’t we develop a curriculum for a “mental health” class? I can certainly imagine that perhaps due to the ever present stigma surrounding the subject, limiting these engagements to extra-curricular school activity at best. It shouldn’t have to be taboo to talk about our mental health or generally “how we’re doing” as more than just a shallow topic we know we should probably dive deep into, but don’t because it’s uncomfortable.
It’s pretty standard practice to go to the doctor for a “physical” which of course only takes our physical health into account, even though the reality is that our physical health is largely determined by our mental and emotional health. Most of us have no objection to a harmless routine physical, right? With that said, therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists are seemingly only called to action either after some variety of external trauma occurs that turns itself inward, or after we’ve simply built up too much mental and emotional anguish over time to be able to sort it out on our own - AKA a reactive approach. More often than we’d like to admit, our egos are the primary driver of our inaction towards seeking out this sort of help. See? Why would our egos want to admit that?! While there has been progress made in regard to dissolving the stigma around mental health, there is still work to be done in the way of normalizing the discussion and breaking down the barriers many perceive to exist, stopping them from speaking out or seeking help.
Humans are first and foremost social creatures, so we tend to act (or not act) based on how we believe we’ll be perceived by others. It’s wild to me at this point in my life (I’m 33) to think of putting how people perceive me ahead of my own mental health, but I can understand at a basic level why it’s in our nature to do so. This boils down to what we discussed earlier, implications of survival - a paradox within itself as having a strong grasp on our mental and emotional health would also, and potentially even more greatly increase our chances of survival in modern society. This is to suggest that we tend to see our prospects of survival largely in terms of community and companionship which is not wrong by any means, it’s just not as black and white as it seems.
We’re living in an age where many of us can afford to focus on the quality of our connections rather than the mere quantity of them. While I don’t want to ignore unfortunate or dire circumstances, our complex brains provide most of us the ability to make choices, many of them difficult ones. Being free to choose to focus on this quality of connection, as well as choosing to focus on our mental well-being altogether is in my opinion the most affordable luxury on Earth. Sure in many cases you’ll have to pay, taking two steps back in order to take a step forward - much like demolishing a building to rebuild a bigger, better and stronger one - but that step forward can be the one that puts you on the path you truly want, the path that resonates with you and isn’t laced with what other people may say they want for you, but selfishly want for themselves. It’s much easier said than done, but it’s important to find the people who genuinely want to see you do and feel well. I’ve ended long term relationships whether they were romantic or long standing childhood friendships where I could feel the other person bringing me down, and it was clear they didn’t have my best interests at heart. Of course I’m ultimately responsible for how I feel and the company I keep, as it is up to you to change that for the better. At the end of the day, it’s that accountability that keeps us on track with our hands on the wheel. No single person is born with the ability to control you. It is you that gives someone that permission as if you forgot how crucial it is to understand that the most important opinion of all is your own.
Without the awareness of how important your own internal validation is - a relatively rare, and very healthy thing to be aware of - it’s easy to slip into the habit of seeking validation in external things and people, which we also tend to measure in quantity over quality. A common instance is how we’ll look for the quick fix in things like social media likes and follows we receive. Though inherently empty and effortless gestures by others, we accept these as the validation we need as they provide us with the dopamine rush we crave, plus they’re quantifiably measurable and easy for our minds to place in a box, or category. Our minds desperately want to label and categorize for our own comfort. We’re wired this way, and it's just one of the many coping mechanisms we naturally employ to “feel well”. This is in stark contrast to your own internal validation, sense of self worth and overall self esteem that truly helps preserve your health and well being.
This is just a taste of the types of conversations to be had, and the curriculum I’d like to see implemented in schools during the most important years of child development. Having well mannered, respectable adults teach these concepts in a classroom setting is a good start, but I'd challenge the parents at home to help reinforce them in real world settings. Having parents on board and involved in this initiative is truly essential to its success, and a key component to making a real difference long term - improving the mental health of a generation, cultivating better leaders, forging stronger relationships, and healing the world we know and love.
Insight read!